Good morning and Merry Christmas! So today I woke up on the floor at my grandmas house with no sushi. That little bitch decided to sleep in bed with my mother. lol. But anyways, i was still warm, but certain i started the night on the couch. Already had 3 fried tamales for breakfast which makes me think that the horrible early morning bathroom experience didnt really scare me away much. Last night was a very peaceful night with the family. Seems the kids only suffer to stay awake because they know that they get to open gifts soon after midnight. Its clear this younger generation has lost the meaning of christmas all together, but Its really the parents fault for putting so much emphasis on what they want for christmas, wether they deserve it or not. Sushi was most certainly the most excited little girl all night long, and im pretty sure shes completely oblivious to christmas entirely. I was very pleased to discover that she wasnt at all interested in the christmas tree or nativity scenes that were down on her level with lots of little things she could have easily popped in her mouth and chewed. She could care less....thank baby jesus for that.
The mood was a bit more subdued this year as its the first christmas without my DAD. Ok, just writing that sentence alone brought tears to my eyes. I know he's here, but its his jolly attitude every year that really makes the holidays for our entire family. It broke my heart to hear little 3 year old Vincent talk about how he misses DAD and how he remembers he would play outside with him all the time. I think Vincent was well on his way to have a relationship like I did with DAD. I still smell him and I wish I could grab his ears just one more time. My very first Christmas I was in the process of learning to walk, we were in Mexico at the time with my grandparents, and It was a guarantee that wherever I stumbled to my DAD would be close behind keeping an eye on me. Although I wonder, where was he when I decided to climb the tree and unceremoniously bring it down upon me? Im sure he was laughing from a safe distance. Wow. I really miss him right now. I know he's here, and that he continues to take care of us and bring us lots of joy, but its just harder now to see it or be aware of it. Oh gosh, what have I done? Now im crying like a big o baby and thats not what I intended to do when I started writing this. I really hope that tonight when the rest of the family gathers it doesnt become one giant sap fest. My grandma wont stop singing sad songs that describe her heart break, and its killing me that I cant just ask her to please stop. I know shes hurting too, and singing is one way she expresses herself. I dont like hearing her repeat the phrase 'porque me dejasates?' , why did you leave me? My DAD would never leave MOM and it kills me to hear her believe that he did. Time will heal the wounds and we are only left to celebrate his life and all he has done for us. We're an amazing AGUILERA klan and every ounce of my being is thanks to DAD.
Ok, I needed to step away from that for a sec and call my buddy Roy. Needed some support, words of wisdom and a heavy distraction. He always knows what I need to hear.
Well I guess its time I start getting ready to head on back to my grandmas so that later on we can meet the rest of the family at the Arredondo house in Burbank. Sushi will be meeting lots of my family today and she is going to be soo crazy excited it almost makes me nervous. Im really looking forward to this upcoming year, and I hope that I will be more creative and expressive than ever before. Seems that it's the strongest desire I have but at the same time such a large void in my life. I need a vomit of creationism to help me get through 2012. That, and a whole lot of live music. Which brings me to my final point...Scissor Sisters new album coming soon!! They are due to release a new song just after New years, which means I Have a shit loads to celebrate. No sex or alcohol fasting ends friday and boy am I ready!!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Keyboard vs. Pen.
So after many moments pondering to myself, or some say 'daydreaming,' I've decided that Im no longer feeling fulfilled by writing only in my journal and keeping so many thoughts to myself. My fortune cookie the other day was also a sign to push me a bit more to show my colors. There really is no issue with me being able to express myself to people in my everyday life, but sometimes some of my thoughts should remain private no matter how difficult that can actually be. As I've grown as a man, a gay man, gay man living in a large city, I've figured out many outlets to let my inside show and help brighten up the world around me. Its most of my struggles and darkest secrets that I put in to pen & paper to keep hidden away from the world. I need a new direction, a new source to express my thoughts as the journal no longer has the effect it had on me many years ago...in fact, I'm bored of it. I tried blogging a long time ago, and many distractions really sidetracked that. Now I feel I have more of a purpose, a voice and a direct line to many people, if only I put myself out there.
I've recently heard that there are many schools in the US that are no longer teaching the art of 'handwriting cursive,' and truthfully that is extremely upsetting, and most importantly, its shocking. What are they given to replace this? an Iphone? Are the pen & pencil companies experiencing a drop in sales? Anyways, don't want to get to sidetracked on this, and don't think that I could ever stop writing by hand, its just that for now, I'm going to focus more on a keyboard. ha. Even if nobody really ever reads any of my post, I know that its out there for the world. Once it leaves my finger tips I have no control as to what you do or don't do with the information.
Please enjoy and remember to give a stranger a compliment.
From my heart to your,
-Littleboyhercules
I've recently heard that there are many schools in the US that are no longer teaching the art of 'handwriting cursive,' and truthfully that is extremely upsetting, and most importantly, its shocking. What are they given to replace this? an Iphone? Are the pen & pencil companies experiencing a drop in sales? Anyways, don't want to get to sidetracked on this, and don't think that I could ever stop writing by hand, its just that for now, I'm going to focus more on a keyboard. ha. Even if nobody really ever reads any of my post, I know that its out there for the world. Once it leaves my finger tips I have no control as to what you do or don't do with the information.
Please enjoy and remember to give a stranger a compliment.
-Littleboyhercules
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